Behold my first attempt at making fortune cookies. Feel free to comment but be honest-they look awful! But be warned….if you are complimentary about them, I will know you are being polite!
The story behind these monstrosities is that I am fundraising for Salisbury Hospice via a charity trek to the Great Wall of China. My great idea would be to sell fortune cookies to friends, family, colleagues and everyone I know. Relevant to China of course!
On a more serious note though I came down with a huge dose of imposter syndrome that nearly caused me to give up.
What was I thinking that I could ever bake something that people would actually want to buy?
Who was I to think this was an idea to be proud of?
I have two siblings, both with very successful catering businesses….as a psychotherapist my business requires very different skills. Surely even my siblings would judge my poor attempts when their professional skills have been honed and built up for years?
I am a mere amateur playing at something I could not hope to master.
What is imposter syndrome?
If we are experiencing crippling self-doubt even in areas where we have excelled in the past. It is about disproportionally belittling your confidence level. Not giving yourself time to learn a new skill, a new job, giving a presentation for the first time. Imposter syndrome can mean we constantly compare ourselves to others as supposed evidence that we are not capable of achieving, not intelligent or skilled enough. It can accompany fear of failure, perfectionism, social anxiety, fear of being disapproved of or judged.
Why is imposter syndrome so common?
In our modern world the expectations of aiming and achieving in work, relationships, as parents, as friends, in life in general certainly exacerbates imposter syndrome for us all.
Whilst as psychotherapists we appreciate there is a continuum where the extreme end can leave an individual never feeling good enough and questioning everything that they do or even avoiding completely any triggering experience. If we give into imposter syndrome and let it be in charge, our world can get smaller whilst our low self-worth gets bigger.
However we all experience the imposter syndrome feelings at many junctions in our lives. It is with perseverance, determination that we get better and better after trying something new. We control the imposter syndrome feelings rather than them controlling us.
There are evolutionary benefits of imposter syndrome
When through history we lived in smaller social groups and further back in tribes, the community relied heavily on the competence of the group and them contributing positively to the survival of all individuals within the group.
Imposter syndrome may have been protective in stopping us trying something that we were not confident we could do well. If found to be incompetent in hunting for example, we may have risked the lives of everyone in the group. If we weren’t killed already, we may have been expelled from the group whom we needed for continued survival.
What can I do to stop imposter syndrome?
- Think about accepting it as a part of being human, working instead on taking control and managing it, rather than preventing it.
- Communicate to others about how you are feeling-they may just provide evidence against your imposter syndrome thoughts and give a more balanced perspective, providing the encouragement you need
- If comparing yourself to others, consider the bigger picture. They may have been doing this for longer, for example. At one point they are likely to have been where you are now.
- Think about challenges you have overcome in the past, times when you applied persistence and got better and better.
- Banish the idea of perfection-reward yourself for small achievements. Be realistic in your expectations and monitor your progress.
If you are doing all of the above and imposter syndrome is ruling your life, think about speaking to a therapist. They won’t stop imposter syndrome altogether but they will help you develop a toolbox for managing it.
What about the fortune cookies? Whilst everyone was laughing at the appearance of my first attempt, one of my daughters grabbed one, declared it tasted delicious. Everyone abruptly stopped laughing and tucked in before they missed their chance. Goodbye imposter syndrome, hello to perseverance and as many attempts as it takes….watch this space!
