Why do we avoid making decisions?
Many of you know that I (Sharon Mustard) hail from Northern Ireland originally. My trips back to see my extended family there often brings a new quirky discovery about life in Northern Ireland.
My favourites have been pear picking porky ice lollies (look it up), red lemonade (yes, really!) OR tobacco onions (again, google it!)..
The latest bizarre trend seems to be takeaway venues  (known as ‘carry outs’ in Northern Ireland) offering the option of ‘half chips, half rice’. It has left me wondering about where is the confidence to make decisions!
Making one choice or decision is something we often avoid. But why?
- Making a choice or decision always involves a loss. We have to accept that we are automatically rejecting and denying ourselves the other option. It may be a new job-that involves leaving the one we are in and everything that that involves. Moving away from a relationship would involve changes, regardless of whether it is in our best interests.
- Making a choice or decision takes confidence. We need to believe our own ability to make the RIGHT choice. However it is important to remember that we only have the information available to us at the time to make the decision. Therefore if a new job doesn’t work out, remember hindsight is the future’s wisdom. It is likely that we couldn’t have known the new information that came to light later.
- We may have a fear of making the wrong choice. We worry about if we would we judged by others? Would we be able to cope with the consequences. If in the past we were judged, criticised or even punished for previous decisions we may be averse to repeating this. However we need to recognise that the belief that it will result in negative consequences this time belongs to the past. It is your anxiety talking and not based on any rational evidence of likelihood. You have more life experience now and so have the emotional resources to be resilient if this does happen.
- Perfectionism may be stopping us making the decision. However if we are waiting until be are 100% confident of our choice, we will never get there. This is unrealistic, giving us a fantasy of control that doesn’t exist. We are human and therefore fallible; life is uncertain and unpredictable. Real self-confidence involves becoming comfortable with both of these truisms.
- Fear of failure can keep us from having the confidence to make decisions. It is ok to make mistakes because we can fix them, learn from them and move forward.
Don’t be paralysed in making a decision. Be confident. If you choose rice, you can always have the chips next time!!!
