This is unlikely to come as a huge surprise to any parent out there, but a recent study shows that hearing “thank you” really does boost our psychological well-being.
Appreciation and gratitude from those that we love helps us feel heard, seen and understand for what we do.
Being a parent can often feel like a thankless job. As a parent your children’s needs are often elevated above your own, and feeling that is little or no acknowledgement that your own needs have been sidelined. A simple “thank you” goes a long way.
Previous research has shown that receiving appreciation and gratitude from a romantic partner is very important for relationship quality. However this latest study has proven that relationships between parent and child AND between parents are also improved with a simple “thank you”. A parent’s nervous system and body will show reduced signs of stress and greater psychological wellbeing.
593 parents of children aged 4 to 17 years were asked if they received appreciation and gratitude from their children and/or partner. They also questioned them about their psychological health.
Researchers also wanted to assess whether the age of the children had an effect with regards to expressing gratitude for what their parent does. The two age group categories were ‘younger ‘children 4-14 and teenagers 14-17 years.
The findings were significant in proving:
- Expressed appreciation and gratitude from romantic partners and older children is linked to lower levels of parenting stress and psychological distress ; namely a lower likelihood of feeling nervous, hopeless, or depressed.
- Gratitude from a romantic partner or spouse is linked to better relationship quality, but not lower parenting stress. This backs up previous studies and extends it to relationships in the context of parenting.
- Mothers feel less appreciated than fathers. Mothers reported lower levels of gratitude from partners and older children.
- Gratitude may matter more for mothers than fathers. Gratitude seemed to have a greater positive impact on mothers than on fathers.
So how can you promote a culture of appreciation and gratitude in your family?
- Help your children notice what others do for them. Children are often blissfully unaware of all of the work that goes into making their lives run smoothly. Start pointing out everything that others do for your children. For example, explain what their teacher might have to do before they even arrive at school in the morning, remind them that someone will have to clean up the table after you leave a restaurant, or involve them in everything that goes into making a meal for them from planning to grocery shopping to cooking to cleaning up.
- Remind your child to thank their other parent. If you have a parenting partner, prompt your child to show gratitude. You don’t have to “force” them to say thank you but you could simply remind them of the effort of the other parent. For example, “That was really nice that Daddy took you to the playground this morning. He knows how much you love the playground and wanted to do something special for you.” If you are a single parent, talk to a friend about doing this for each other.
- Model gratitude. Frequently and sincerely express gratitude to your children, your partner, and other people in your life. You can thank them for what they do for you but also for anything they do for others or that has a positive impact, such as thanking your child for being kind to their sibling.
- Tell your partner and children how much it means to you when they express gratitude. Do not feel bad about asking for more gratitude! You can also explain how to express gratitude in a way that is most meaningful to you (for example, do you like a simple “thank you” or would you prefer that they are more specific?). When they do express gratitude, make sure you tell them how happy or proud it makes you feel and that it means a lot to you.
- Make an agreement with your spouse to acknowledge each other’s efforts and express gratitude at regular intervals. It’s easy to forget to thank your parenting partner but this research really underscores how important it is. Try to make thanking each other and expressing gratitude more of an everyday habit.
- Teach your children about gratitude. Teach your children how it makes others feel when they express gratitude and teach them different ways to express gratitude above and beyond simply saying thank you (such as saying “I am so grateful” or “That meant a lot to me” or even writing a letter).
