Psychological trauma happens in the space between the perceived threat and our perceived ability to cope.
The perceived threat can certainly be affected by many factors including the intensity of the event; a warzone, a natural disaster, abuse. However what we have learned from our historical experiences, and whether we feel helpful or able to do anything about it. Sometimes witnessing the unbearable and feeling unable to do anything to help can cause ‘vicarious trauma’ even when what is happening is not directly happening to us.
In therapy, our perceived ability to cope can be boosted-helping the person to put the past in the past, recognizing that they are no longer a child or that they are the only adult their child needs now.
1. We often consider the experience of trauma as entirely negative, but it can also help us grow-to find hope, direction and meaning. Bringing what has been hidden into the open allows us to reframe where we are now whilst another witnesses the depth and effect of our experience.
We also learn that we survived. It may have overwhelmed at the time but it doesn’t have to overwhelm now.
This means we can feel better equipped to deal with life’s curveballs in future; even when we can’t control them, we can control our responses to them.
Maybe now it can instead provide more empathy for others.
We might be more self-aware, feel more inclined to observe how we know what is most important to us and take action accordingly.
2. Our newfound self-awareness can lead us to know our nervous system more and how it reacts. Maybe that reaction made sense once but is now outdated. Thereafter we can develop ways to soothe and reassure our nervous system in order for our reactions to the here and now to be proportional, rather than disproportionally related to the past.
In therapy we used to believe that healing happened in the mind alone. We now recognise that our body is also involved. Although the intention is to protect, we need to educate our body and nervous system when protection at that level is no longer needed.
3. Trauma comes from the Greek word for wound, to pierce. If we have a physical wound we see it, we tend to it, we bandage it, we see it is healing when a scab forms.
Psychological trauma is invisible-it exists on the inside. This tends to make it harder to be seen, heard and understood by others. Whilst they may see our behaviours, reactions and how we present in the outside world, the lack of ‘seeing’ our wounds can means they misinterpret what they see on the outside and rather than support us they can blame or accuse. Unfortunately this can cause fresh wounds or the ones that we have to be opened up further.
By learning to trust that if we let others see our wounds that they will be there for us, means we are open for connection and can learn our true sense of self worth and our worth through the eyes of others.
4. What we forgot about our trauma is a type of dissociation-a way of us avoiding further distress. But there will be times when we will come face-to-face with triggers and reminders in many forms. If we think about triggers like the centre of a volcano, stepping away from the active zone is finding things/people/places/activities that help us feel safe.
5. You are not alone! A bit of research and information that there are others out there in the world that have also suffered trauma. This can help us break free of our isolation with our own distress. This is trauma and people can and do emerge strong and resilient.
Why not contact us to talk to one of our therapists. We offer a free initial consultation for you to decide if we are the right fit for you.
